My ideas and dreams have always been very big, at least much bigger than the average person. Most of the people I spend time with aren’t as open minded as I am. They also don’t struggle with a crippling anxiety disorder like I do. Everyone has their differences, but I have always tried to push mine away to be a more practical human. I simply thought I needed to be like everyone else I was surrounded by.
I am not doing that anymore. Heck, I am not the typical human being and when I try to be I am the worlds saddest person. I put everyone before myself. It’s only when I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone, talking about my feelings, making connections with others, traveling, helping people, and writing and sharing my life online that gives me pure joy. That joy you get when you do that thing you love that makes you live ENTIRELY in the moment. That thing that sets your soul on fire in the best way possible.
After finally graduating college I decided I wanted to spend some time away from my home town. After ending a serious relationship and getting my degree I took the opportunity to travel when nothing was holding me in my place. The past month I have pretty much traveled Wisconsin living out of my suitcase. My family thinks I’m bat shit crazy I’m pretty sure. Oh well, traveling makes me feel like I am in control of my life and only I can determine where I go. It’s something that makes a lot of people nervous, but makes me feel free. Let me be honest, there is nothing I value more than my freedom.
I didn’t jump into the corporate marketing job that I always pictured I would after graduating college. Instead, I decided I wanted to do some freelance work and start my own business. No nine to five job was going to help me become my best self after struggling with anxiety and self love for so long. At least, not at this time in my life. There simply wouldn’t be enough time to invest in myself. I put my needs off for years and years and neglected loving myself so much while getting through school and being in a relationship. I lost myself completely, but this past month has shown me that I have found somebody who I never want to loose again, and that’s me.
I don’t make solid plans for myself unless it involves an event that I committed to. I do what I want when I want to. I don’t like to be told what to do. I simply go with the flow and unlike many, I follow my emotions. Nope, logically thinking isn’t my best characteristic. Impulsive decisions? I’ve made them and I still do make them. A few months ago I decided to go on a last minute spring break trip to North Carolina. The day I decided to go was the day I left. I had no set plans, I just followed my heart and had the best trip of my life. I planned as I went and I never felt so free.
Bottom line, I will strive to be myself every single day. I won’t live for the people around me, I will live for myself. If I wasn’t different I wouldn’t be me. Being me is what makes me a colorful, beautiful, adventurous human. I’ve recently met a lot of people who have given me so much love. It wasn’t until I sought out to find like minded individuals that I finally felt comfortable being the girl I was made to be. Be true to yourself, I wish I would have been all these years.